My generation learned a good way to get their teenagers to talk: a road trip where there were no distractions. That was before earbuds and cellphones. Now what? How do we get quality time, without distractions, to build family bonds? A hiking trail is fertile ground. Walking in nature for hours to reach a peak or camp makes room for talking about everything — from the silly to deeper topics such as relationships and faith.
As a young man, I became semi-obsessed with hiking 14ers. And when our kids became old enough, I started taking them on those adventures. Now, I am blessed to be on those trails with my grandkids. Our relationships are built on tasty snacks and silly conversations. These topics flow naturally into more important ones: “Tell me about your best friend,” and “Do you worry about safety at school?”
More than 40 years ago, I hiked Grays and Torreys peaks. We were expecting our first child, Daniel. Last summer, that child — now a father of three — invited me to join him on the same peaks with his 10-year-old son Theo.
After a night at camp, we started the long haul of 8 miles and a 3,600-foot elevation climb. Daniel, a physics teacher at the University of Colorado, told us of the pleas he receives from students to change a grade or for a retest. Then Daniel asked Theo, “Is it sometimes good for teachers to be tough?” Theo replied “Yes.” Asking your child an opinion, in the safe space of a hike, is a brilliant way to build trust.
On the descent of any grueling hike, our family tradition includes discussing the best junk food. After we summited the peaks, Theo started the bidding: “You know what food I think about on a long hike?” He paused and answered his own question: “Chicken salad.” Well, Theo knows the only acceptable food groups for this topic are ice cream, fried foods, and, well … ice cream. When he said “chicken salad,” I stopped in my tracks, turned, and gave a look of disdain and disbelief. He started laughing. He had planned this knowing I would freak out. Theo had broken into the age of banter, and our bond was deepened that day. On our way down the mountain, we debated the merits of nachos versus cheese fries and the best flavors of malted milkshakes.
Having time with no distractions to be silly and serious on the trail is a way we establish our family bonds. My son and grandson will remember the chicken salad moment on the 14er long after I am gone. But I took the opportunity to teach Theo loving retribution — for his 11th birthday gift, he received chicken salad.
Ron Bolton writes about hiking and nature for the Berthoud Weekly Surveyor and is a member of Poudre Valley REA.
Photo courtesy of Ron Bolton
